If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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