I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
