Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
