i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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