Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
