Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
