and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
