that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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