and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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