Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
