it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
