I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
