May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
