Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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