I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
