So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
