I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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