There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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