even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
