I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
