when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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