Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
