Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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