Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
