My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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