Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
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