If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The ass gains better be worth it
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