What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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