fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
