I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
