So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
