i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
