god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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