i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
