apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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