It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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