I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
