nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
