Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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