Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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