If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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