I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
