Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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