I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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