i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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