have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
