We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
