dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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