if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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