is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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