So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
