i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
