I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
