some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
