guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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