I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
