we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
