I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
